she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
