I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
