if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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