Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
