What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
