and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
