The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
