Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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