i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
