i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
