god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
