How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
