we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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