Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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