Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
