dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
