that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
