I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
