I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My breasts were aching with rage.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
