Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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