This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
