I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
