when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
