this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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