i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
