yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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