I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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