this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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