I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
