with your own penis?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
