tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
