it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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