Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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