No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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