If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
