I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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