if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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