my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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