Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
