Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
