oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
