Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
