dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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