i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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