first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
