So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
