i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
