Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I fill condoms, not promises.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
