After last night, I could never be a politician.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
