i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
